Second Life

There is a lot to be said for Virtual Reality you know.  A lot of you who will read this post, will probably think I'm just a little bit sad.  That's OK, I totally get that.  I know I probably would have thought the same if I had not spent the best part of the last 3 years of my life in a Virtual Reality environment.  I would like to tell you a little bit about that.  About my Second Life and what it meant to me.


Some of you may have already heard of 'Second Life'  Some may have spent some time there.  But for those of you who haven't, there is a Virtual Reality community that I happened on totally by accident one day.  I remember sitting in front of my computer and thinking to myself, I wonder what all this virtual reality is about?  I typed it in Google and Second Life was the top link and the rest, as they say is history.


I don't want to bore you with all the little details. Ill just tell you how it was for me.

There was nothing I enjoyed more, than logging on to Second Life (SL) and seeing my 'avatar' appear on the screen.  Unlike traditional chat rooms, my avatar was a hot sexy female who wore some very sexy clothing and got quite a lot of wolf whistles in her time there.  That's the thing about Second Life you see.  You can be anyone or anything you want to be.  If you want to be a gorgeous girlie, then you can.  If you want to be a kitty cat, then you can.  There is almost no limits.  The vampire scene is huge..and there are so many different communities for you to join that no matter what you are into, you will probably find it there.  As for me though, I was human and female (I like to stick to what i know...) and I found SL my escape from my real life.

No, I didn't mean for it to sound as bad as that.  Its just that, logging onto Second Life was the place I went to escape into another world.  A world where I was gorgeous and, as time went on, popular.  I got involved in the online London community and eventually got involved in my own sim.  Myself, and 5 other close online friends created our own little world, where we had people come and visit us, party in our clubs and rent our shops.  It was the pinnacle of my Second Life experience and I truly don't know where I can ever go from there, other than back to Miss Anonymous.

What makes it so good, for me anyway, is that fact that there are no limits.  Imagine a world where you can own a private island and live in a glass mansion, fly short distance and teleport long distance.  Talk to people from all over the world and dance for 5 straight hours without having to sit down and rest.  Imagine a world that is filled with beautiful people, dragons, cats and neko's.  Imagine having your wardrobe with you wherever you are and being able to change from your bikini into your jeans into your ballgown from one minute to the next without breaking out into a sweat.  Imagine logging on every night and having your screen light up with messages from all your friends from all over the world asking you how your day was, inviting you to a new club, getting a wedding invitation or just someone saying hello and they missed you.  This was my world.  And I kid you not, I loved it.

Then there was the drama!  Oh my, the drama.  Once you get fully embroiled in Second Life and make a few friends you cannot help but run into drama.  And I had my fair share of that.  Ive lost track of the amount of nights I have sat there spending hours typing to people about some particular issue or another.  She said that or he did this.  Did you hear so and so quit that or have you heard that so and so have split up ...again!  Even this, made my Second Life the total enjoying experience it was for me.

For a long time I was a greeter, and that entailed helping new born avatars understand 'the game' and get them acquainted with Second Life.  Ive attended weddings - yes, that happens there too - some of which have lasted and some of which didn't last for more than a week.  Ive known people who have died and have visited their memorial sim and placed my candles.  I have visited sex sims...these are truly the best for a good laugh and I have hosted in nightclubs (and in one case co-run one). I have been to fashion shows  and being in outer space.  I have visited Australia, Paris, New York, St Petersburg, Dublin, Cape Town, London to mention just a few, and in all these, I did so with my avatar walking (or flying) around, taking in the scenery and marveling at the imagination of the creators of these sims.  Yes, it is all just pixels on a screen, but its the best online escape I have found and I have been online for a long time now.


But, regardless of everything Ive said so far, the best part of Second Life, for me, is the people. Like most online chat sites, Second Life too is filled with nutters and liars and idiots.  Ive come across many of those there.  Some you spot instantly, some you learn the hard way.  I have been burned a few times, I wont lie.  But on the flip side, I have met the most amazing people.  I have friends now that I would not have had in any other circumstances.  I have got to know people and come to care for them. There are people who I have come to know intimately, I may never have seen their faces but I know their deepest secrets. I have spent hours laughing so much that my sides hurt.  I have come to care for people in Second Life as if they were sisters and brothers that I never had.  Some, I have met up with in real life and we have had as much fun in real as we do online, though dancing for 5 hours straight has proven to be somewhat more difficult.  Its the people that make it what it is, and I thank Second Life for that.

But, for now, I'm giving it a bit of a rest.  I had started to spend too much time in my Second Life.  So much so that my First Life was suffering. It became far easier to log onto SL at night and immerse myself in my little online world than the deal with my real life issues.  Thankfully, I finally saw that and I've put things into perspective now.  This blog has also helped.

Second Life has got a lot of bad press, and in many cases I can understand it.  It has caused marriages to break up and it has put people together who would otherwise never have known each other.  I can understand why the marriages break up.  Its the perfect world, as I said before, everyone and everything is perfect.  Romances blossom around every corner in Second Life and it is very easy to get carried away.  You need to have a strong mind not to get carried away by all of that.  But bad press aside, I would never say anything bad about it.  I truly loved it and still do.  And ultimately Second Life is what you make of it.  I will miss it while I take a much needed break, but its good to remember that I do have a real life too, and that I can make that as enjoyable and fun as I made my Second Life.  Or atleast I can try to!

This has been my longest post ever.  I have meant to blog about this for a while, and as I said in the beginning, I know there will be those out there reading this who will not understand why I am so passionate about this.  But unless you have spent some time inworld, you wont understand the addiction, the pull of it.  The fun and the joy it can give you.  The highs and the lows.  The intensity. That is only something residents of Second Life (or other similar virtual reality sites) will understand.

Ive probably bored you to death, so I will stop now.  Its been fun typing this and I would love to hear your opinion on this, if you have any.

Until later then, take care and Ill blog again soon

B x

Afterwards

The other day, I briefly mentioned reading amazing books by an author that I had just discovered.  I really like that...I like it when I find a new artist that I've not heard before, or a new author that I fall in love with and have loads and loads of either Cd's to get or books to read.  I was like that about Muse and Snow Patrol to mention the first two names of music groups that come to mind, and I was like that with Shaun Hutson and...many years ago, Stephen King and Dean Koontz.  I feel a little bit like that about James Patterson....he isn't the most brilliant author I've ever read, but for quick, fun reads, he is pretty good.  Anyway, my point is, about 2 weeks ago, I saw a huge banner at Victoria station in Manchester advertising a writer I had not heard of before.  I'll be honest, in this case, I really did judge the book by its cover.  It was fresh and caught my eye and as I stood waiting for the Met to come along, I strained to read the writing that was on the book.  What I saw, looked interesting, but I had never heard of the author before. Her name is Rosamund Lupton.  Luckily, the invention of the Kindle is now behind us and doubly lucky for me, I have one, so, I quickly went and downloaded a sample of her first novel, 'Sister' and got to reading.  The rest, as they say is history.

Rosamund Lupton has written only two books that I could find. Her first one 'Sister' delves into the relationship between two sisters and follows the story of one sister, Beatrice who is desperately trying to find her missing sister Tess.  The story is fast paced, with twist after twist after unbelievable twist. I totally loved it and recommended it to a friend who has since told me she cannot stop reading it either.

Next, I read 'Afterwards', her second novel which also deals with relationships, this time between a mother (Grace) and teenage daughter (Jenny).  The story is about a fire that breaks out in a school where the daughter is trapped inside and the mother, whose viewpoint the story is written, runs inside to save her...and what happens afterwards.  I could sit here and tell you all about it, but that would spoil things.  All I can say, is as much as I loved 'Sister', I loved 'Afterwards' more.  As much as 'Sister' gave me goosebumps on the last page, 'Afterwards' made me want to cry.

I can highly recommend these books, and truly, if you want to treat yourself, do download to your kindle or whatever ebook reader you have, or purchase a copy of the book.  Its absolutely amazing. The only thing that I am sad about, is that there isn't more of them!  I wish she had started writing 10 years ago so that there was another one just waiting for me to read. I am definitely looking forward to the next one.

There...look at me with my book review!  I'm so ganna post this link on Rosamund Lupton's fan page...or attempt to :)

Bx

ps...I never intended to do a book review on my blog, but I was sat here thinking about what I could write and that's what popped into my head :p

Leeds

So, I went off gallivanting around Leeds today.  It was business, I promise, I didn't actually take the day off to go sight seeing.  The day started out pretty badly though..first, train delays due to points failure - this was just trying to get into Manchester - then train cancellations - that was my train to Leeds - I guess it wouldn't have mattered much had my train been so delayed that i missed it.  I was also sat next to a guy that was probably in his late 60's early 70's and although he was lovely, he did insist on talking all the way to Huddersfield.  Which, I wouldn't have minded much, had I not wanted to get back to my book that I cannot get my nose out. (I should tell you about that sometime, but for now, all I will say is - 'Sister' and 'Afterwards' by Rosamund Lupton - read them!) But to top it all though, for some reason, and I couldn't tell you here what I was thinking, but I was also wearing 6 inch heels.  Although they may have looked good strutting around Piccadilly and Leeds station, they hurt like a bitch!  I really did regret wearing them (or not packing a pair of flats in my bag) when I started walking from Piccadilly station back to my office this afternoon when I got back to Manchester.  By the time I left the office to walk to Victoria station, I was ready to take them off and walk barefoot.  But, we are in the city here and we don't want to look silly, so I carried on walking...feeling each bubble/stone/cigarette butt on the sidewalk and cringing with each step.  I have never been so happy to get home and take my shoes off and roll back and forth on the balls of my feet as I was today. Even though, that too hurt like hell.
Right now, I'm sat, crossed legged on my computer chair, feeling the throb and wondering how my partying tomorrow night is going to go with these feet.

Coz yes, I'm out tomorrow night partying with friends and i am so excited!  Two of my online girlfriends are travelling up to Manchester to meet me and although I have met one of them before, I haven't met the other.  I'm a little bit nervous, I wont lie.  I'm a little bit hesitant.  Mainly because I worry that we will run out of things to say, and because I was always the third wheel in that online friendship anyway.  I'm sure it will go swimmingly.  Well, it better had, coz the three of us are going out for High Tea on Saturday too!  Can you just picture me doing that??  No, me neither :)  I am looking forward to it though. 

So, I'm blogging tonight for the sake of blogging. Not because I have anything profound to say, or that I have any particular topic going on in my head.  I am happier though, in myself.  I'm pleased about that.
Just thought I would share

Bx

And the truth shall set you free

For the last two days, that particular saying has been going around and around in my head.
For the last few, (or is that years?) I have been pretty much blind to a lot of things. I have seen my world around me in a way that was not quite right. I have forgotten things and neglected things that are supposed to be important. I have believed things to be one particular way and at the time, try as hard as I could, I could not be swayed from that.
And then, as if out of the blue, the truth set me free. Was it something I read, something I heard, something I dreamt or just something that suddenly hit me between the eyes? It doesn't matter, but the blinkers came off and the truth of it all was spelled out to me and for this I am eternally grateful.

It's not a lot to ask for in life. Truth. Right?

You live with people, love people, care for people. You have friends, family and people that are important to you. These people shape your lives and make you the person that you are. Whether you want them to or not. Some people or things become more important than others, when really they don't deserve to be. Sometimes you loose focus of what really matters.

My head has been in the clouds for so long now. I have been thoroughly lost and adrift in uncertainty. I haven't been depressed as my mother thinks, just confused. But I have learned that honesty is always the best way.  I have learned that you can easily hurt people and can easily be hurt by people that you care about. But most of all, I have learned that in order to really know anything in life, you need to know the truth. Not the painted over pretty picture, not what you think is important, but the ugly, unbiased, dirty truth. Only then, can you really move on. Only then, can you really be set free.

Once again, I've gone and got all philosophical I know. Once again I write about whats in my heart. This is my place to do that though. I could carry on here and blog for hours on this subject, but whats the point? I think I have got my message across.

Thank you for hanging in there - you know who you are.

Bx

The Book of Counted Sorrows

Ive spoken about this before on my previous website, and yet, after all these years, I still love these poems. 

These are all copywrite to 'The Book of Counted Sorrows' and Dean Koontz.

I'll post a few of my favourites here, but for the full list of all them, go here

from Darkfall - 1984

We can embrace love; its not too late.
Why do we sleep, instead with hate?
Belief requires no suspension
to see that Hell is our invention.
We make Hell real; we stoke its fires.
And in its flames our hope expires.
Heaven, too, is merely our creation.
We can grant ourselves our own salvation.
All that's required is imagination.


from Twilight Eyes - 1985
 
Something moves within the night
that is not good and is not right.


from Strangers - 1986

Is there some meaning to this life?
What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence do we come, where are we bound?
These cold questions echo and resound
through each day, each lonely night.
We long to find the splendid light
that will cast a revelatory beam
upon the meaning of the human dream.

from Cold Fire - 1991


In the real world
as in dreams,
nothing is quite
as it seems.

from Dark Rivers of the Heart - 1994

All of us are travelers lost,
out tickets arranged at cost
unknown but beyond our means.
This odd itinerary of scenes
- enigmatic, strange, unreal -
leaves us unsure how to feel.
No postmortem journey is rife
with more mystery than life.

********

On the road that I taken,
one day, walking, I awaken,
amazed to see where I have come,
where I'm going, where I'm from.

This is not the path I thought.
This is not the place I sought.
This is not the dream I bought,
just a fever of fate I've caught.

I'll change highways in a while,
at the crossroads, one more mile.
My path is lit by my own fire.
I'm going only where I desire.

On the road that I have taken,
one day, walking, I awaken.
One Day, walking, I awaken,
on the road that I have taken.

from Sole Survivor - 1997


The sky is deep, the sky is dark,
The light of stars is so damn stark.
When I look up, I fill with fear.
If all we have is what lies here,
this lonely world, this troubled place,
then cold dead stars and empty space . . .
Well, I see no reason to persevere,
no reason to laugh or shed a tear,
no reason to sleep or ever to wake,
no promises to keep, and none to make.
And so at night I still raise my eyes
to study the clear but mysterious skies --
that arch above us, as cold as stone.
Are you there, God? Are we alone?

If you like these, let me know which are your favourites. 

USA

I have a question though, if i may.  There is someone from the US who looks at this blog.  I'm not sure if its the same person or random people, but i do note usually about 1 visit per day from the states. So, my question, if its the same person who keeps coming back...please make yourself known.  I've asked the one person I thought it may be and it turned out it wasn't him, so leave me a comment saying your name, and then at least my curiosity will be sated :)

thanx

Looking up

Well hello there...its been a few days hasn't it?
To be fair, its been a few emotional days where i have once again been all over the place.  Head in the clouds as they say. More like a few weeks really.

Right now however, I have to say that I am a little excited.  Things are looking up.

Work, a little less stressful, that's coz its the middle of the month and I know it wont stay that way, but I am using the opportunity to do a little catch up on the things i haven't been able to get to.
On the social front things are looking up too.  Next weekend its a catch up with old friends and meeting some new ones and at the end of July I'm off to London to catch up with a very old friend and it promises to be awesomeness!

Most importantly of all though, is that I am continuing to see things clearer.  More and more so everyday.  Getting stronger and starting to take control of my own life and my own destiny.  Too hell with the rest.  Its my life and I'll only have one of them.

So looking forward to seeing you all - Irene, Caroline, Rob and Andrew!

Bx

And then there were three

I should stop doing this.  Should stop commenting about my new followers.  But OH it does make me smile so when I see a new face in the followers box.  So, ill make one more announcement and say thank you to my lovely mother for clicking the follow button.  I was wondering when you would finally click it as you keep referring to it in my emails :)

There is a lot going on right now, none of which I can really talk about just yet.  I did spend the day mostly on my own.  I got up early, drove into Manchester to pick up a parcel.  That was quite nice.  The roads were still mostly quiet and it felt good to just get up and go somewhere on my own.  This afternoon, I watched TV and slept a little (well, fell asleep in front of the TV more like) and then got up and went out again.  I uploaded some pics onto Facebook of the swans that i sat watching.  It was lovely by the lil lake thingie and I wondered why I don't go there more.  The truth is, there is a lot of lovely places to go to, things to see, and sitting at home, letting week after week go by, gets me nowhere.  Its depressing and pointless and I do intend to make more of the summer days and spend less time indoors. 

Will add more later

Just wanted to wave at mommykins and tell her that I love and I miss her a lot too

Bx

Changes

Firstly, let me say, I now have two followers...yes, count that...TWO!  Happy day again.  Thank you Judy, I did smile when I saw your pretty face appear on this page.

Well, its Monday.  The start of another week.  Today, as has been the norm for the last few weeks, was another crazy one.  I feel like I am being pulled into so many directions.  The staff grow, the demands grow, yet I remain, just one.  Interestingly enough, last week I overpaid someone by £14,000.00.  Only found out today when they phoned me to say they couldn't reconcile their accounts and was wondering why I had sent so much money.  I don't know where I came up with the figure that I did, it was a totally random number, but I did smile to myself when I realised what had happened and thought, yep, this is how it all starts falling down.  Its not like I haven't said....I NEED HELP....I've said it a number of times, but for now, other concerns appear to be more important, so lets hope I don't get sick, or, I happen to overpay someone else by £140,000.00 instead of just 14 or fail to submit a report in time.  We shall see how that goes down when that does happen.  They have been warned.

Anyway, that's my rant over with.  What I wanted to talk about is changes.

We all go through stages in ours lives.  Periods where you become focused on this, or that, or times when things make sense in a particular way.  I don't know if I am making much sense here, but, I feel like I am finally finding a change in my mindset.  I have been in a weird place, for quite a long time now.  I am not saying I'm not still in that weird place, but I'm starting to feel different about it.  I don't know if this is wishful thinking, or me trying to convince myself, but the weight is starting to lift.  I believe I am starting to see much more clearly now.

Again, ask me in a week or month from now if I still think this and I may have to rewrite this post, or delete it completely as utter bullshit.  But I do believe its time to change, and to take control of my life and what I want.
I see this as a very positive thing.

And just writing this down, is making me smile.  I so need to smile and stop dwelling.

That's it for me today.  Happy week all.

B x


P.S. Quentin or Jonathan, if you are reading this....I NEED HELP!

Happy Day

OMG, I've got a follower!  Imagine my excitement in coming onto this page to see, yes ...I have ONE follower!  I'd jump up and down and do a happy dance if I wasn't so tired today.

Thank you Alycia, you rock....of course you do.

The sun is shining in Manchester today.  Not only is it shining, but its actually nice and hot too.  I say this, because unlike the sun in Africa, just because you sometimes see the yellow orb in the sky (occasionally) it doesn't necessarily give off any heat.  Today, however, it is..and its glorious!  A friend made a comment to me the other day saying that the weather shouldn't (and doesn't apparently) affect people's moods.  This is me sticking my tongue out to him saying, yes, it does...I may be tired as hell (have been for a few days now and not sure why) but I'm feeling somewhat happy too.  The summer feeling does that to me.

Anyway, lets not talk about the weather today.  Just know that I am grateful for the good days when they do show up, and here is hoping for many more.  That, and some more followers to make me feel like I am important or something.

Comments, of course are very welcome too :P

x