Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?
Can you hear me screaming at the top of my voice
While my lips remain sealed?

Can you see me?
Can you see my eyes pleading with yours
Begging to be heard

I am reaching
Reaching out my trembling hand
Willing you to take it
I am pleading
Silently shrieking, ripping at my skin
For your attention
Can’t you see me?
Wilting like a dying flower in the sun
Desperate for your touch

I am losing
I am fading
I am hopeless

Can you hear me?


Friday, 18 January 2013

Like starting again

I haven't blogged for ages, and this is mostly due to the dreaded 'couldn't be arsed' feeling that came over me around July/August last year. At the time, I was a few thousand words into my first serious attempt of a novel, a story I was excited about at the time but then inexplicably lost interest. I was also tweeting furiously and blogging often. A lethargy came over me which I happily embraced and the second half of last year was spent mostly Facebook page refreshing, reading, gaming and Netflix obsessing. I am not berating myself for this, it happens, but I am a little sad that it probably appeared to my new found twitter friends that I had lost interest in them too. I admit, I definitely could have made more of an effort to stay in touch, but the occasional 'Hiya, how you doing' on Facebook or email was about the length of the effort I made. I am sorry about that. Truly, but rest assured, I did not loose interest. I thought of all of you often . I kept telling myself that I needed to get that email off to them, find out what was going on in their lives. I just...did'nt. It was far too easy to convince myself that after a hard day's work, the only thing I was up for was chilling out, doing next to nothing. And so, the months flew by.

Fortunately, it seems to me my mojo is back. I am not about to throw myself back into twitter, nor am I promising to blog 24/7 either, rather, I have started writing again and this is a step in the right direction for me. It feels great! Over the course of those 7 months I did type up a few short stories, nothing major and certainly nothing I wanted to show off to anyone on here, but the other night I was reading one of them and picked up from where I had left off, and I haven't been able to stop typing since. I don't want to scream from the rooftops that I am busy writing my first novel, I will probably jinx myself if I do. Rather, I am taking it day by day, sitting down each evening to write a few thousand words, and its going wonderfully. I am surprised by my enthusiasm for this. Surprised to find myself enjoying my characters and thinking of them during the day and where I am going to take them. I look forward at night to coming home, so that I can get comfortable in front of my computer and continue where I left off the night before. In this week I can happily say I have spent a total of ONE evening sat in front of the television. The rest of the time I have been here.

Where will this go? I do not know. Will this get finished? I do not know. I do tend to become engrossed in something pretty quick and then, just as quickly, loose interest, that's just the nature of me, so I am not counting my chickens, but I do hope - really hope - that this goes all the way. I intend to publish, at the very least, I will self publish, but it's probably not even worth thinking that now until I have typed the words 'The End' at the bottom of my manuscript. Fingers crossed :)

As for my friends, I have missed you. I promise to make more of an effort this year.

To end this, I wanted to add a music video of my favourite song at the moment. It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside :) I promise, its got nothing to do with Twilight, I just simply love the words and the sound of her voice. Enjoy.