Saturday, 31 March 2012

King of the street

A few months back, I'd guess about 8 or so months though I would have to check Facebook comments to work out exactly when, a cat came running down the road towards my house and up to me as if he was my long last child.  He meowed and purred and rubbed himself against my leg and although I had never seen this cat before in my life, he acted as if he was returning home after a long journey and was immensely happy to see me. I like that in a cat.  Actually I like that in people too, but then I don't expect them to meow and purr and rub themselves up against me, but anyone who would treat me as if they were truly happy to see me like that would certainly get my undying attention.
I fussed a little over the cat and fully expected him to turn around and continue on his journey.  The only way he was headed though apparently, was into my house and he never left. Of course, I found it all rather amusing, but stressed to my family not to get attached because after a quick check I found out he was a male and explained that male cats wonder and that he would soon be off on his merry way again. That was 8 months ago.

We couldn't keep calling him cat though, and if I remember, the first name we came up with was Tigger. This only lasted for a day or so, because upon further investigation, we all discovered that this cat not only had a personality that was larger than life, he had a pair of balls that any cat would be proud to own.  I don't mean to be crude but when I say he had a pair of balls on him, I am not kidding.  They were impressive!  His larger than life personality was only eclipsed by his larger than what could possibly be considered normal balls. And so, Tigger was no longer and he was proudly named Mr Balls.

Although Mr Balls called our house home, and it was the place he would come to get his meals, sit on someones lap and harass the dog and other cat in this house, he  was most happy out on the street, strutting his stuff and I'm sure setting all the female cats in the neighbourhood's hearts a-flutter.  His latest trick would be to wait by the window in the lounge when I get ready for work and as soon as I pick up my handbag, would accompany me to the front door and promptly run up and down the street following me to the bus stop, showing off all the way and then going on his merry social way. He is not the kind of cat you keep indoors.  He has absolutely no interest in that.  Sometimes though, the rain would get the better of him, and he would stand on the threshold of the door, looking out at the rain, tail poker stiff up in the air and then, as if sighing to himself, would turn around and go back into the house. You could almost see him sulking.

We have a Staffordshire Bull Terrier as well as another mongrel cat in this house too and you would think that Roxy (the staffy) would show Mr Balls who is boss?  Roxy didn't stand a chance. Mr Balls owed her.  Like she did with Sammy the silent cat and me and hubby and the kids.  He has each one of us now purring and rubbing ourselves up against him because not only is he King of the Street, he is also King of this House.

Tonight, however, I look over at Mr Balls, lying on his pillow that we laid out for him earlier (he normally sleeps on my bed) and watch as he just lays there. Unable to eat, unable to drink water, just lying there.  All the life and soul that is Mr Balls is gone because last night, he got hit by a car.
I don't know what happened.  I didn't see anything.  I didn't even notice when he came back into the house.  Nor did I notice this morning when I walked past him just lying at the top of the landing not moving.  It was only when Pete looked into his face as he was going up the stairs that anyone noticed anything was wrong.

There was blood all over his face.  He was breathing funny and Mr Balls was quiet.  Mr Balls wasn't chasing the cat or the dog. He was just lying there.  Panic set in as I thought all kinds of worst case scenarios, and although I knew I had to get him to the vet, I was petrified of picking him up in case I hurt him. I had no idea what had happened or how badly hurt he was.

At the vet it was revealed that he had been hit by a car in his face.  I imagine it must have been a sideways swipe as a car drove past?  His claws are badly scuffed  and his bottom jaw is cracked open right down the middle.  He has lost a few teeth on that side of his jaw and some had been embedded into his jaw by the impact.  These all needed to be removed.  The side of his face is badly swollen, as if he has mumps and right now, there is wire threaded through his jaw and jutting out the bottom of his little face  keeping it all together.  But, as if this isn't bad enough, the vet managed to talk us into getting him castrated as well.  'You will end up saving a lot of money in the long run' he told us, trying to convince us that this would calm him down, keep him at home, stop his gallivanting ways.

I'll have you know, I did protest.  Mr Balls was named that for a reason!  Taking away his jewels would be like taking away his identity.  Or so I felt. The vet assured me that he would still have the same personality and I don't doubt he will have most of it. But I cannot imagine him being alpha male any more.  I see him becoming a fat cat, sitting on the sofa watching the world go by through the lounge window, and I think, if Mr Balls could speak, he would probably say that thought would depress the shit out of him.  But, the vet is probably right and he will probably be in less danger this way and this is why we gave the nod.

Now, Mr Balls is actually Mr No Balls.  Looking over at him, lying there on that pillow, his eyes closed and appearing so miserable I can only feel incredibly sad for him.  When the anaesthetic wears off properly and the jaw mends, is he going to sit there and wonder what happened to his prize bollocks? Or is he not even going to notice and simply settle down to a quieter, safer, more homely life?  At the same time, I am incredibly glad that he is lying there quietly as the alternative would have been awful.  I would much rather have him sat here getting fat than being buried in the ground. I am not sure he will see things that way though?

Time will tell.

Get well soon Ballsy....You are still Mr Balls to me, with or without them


Saturday, 24 March 2012

I should not be allowed out. Ever

The last few days of this week at work have being rather hectic.  Things were just flying at me from all directions and I found myself slowly falling into that rut where I pick up paper to put it down to pick up another piece of paper to put it down and everything remains only half done.  So, getting myself into a little bit of a tizzy, and taking far too many cig breaks, I declared it a fabulous idea to go out for a few drinks after work.  Just a few mind you, because I know what happens on these 'after work drinks' nights out if I have too many glasses of wine, and besides, I have a reputation to uphold. Or so I would like to believe.

So, at 5 on the dot, a few of my work colleagues and myself ventured out to the pub just around the corner and I ordered myself a tall glass of white house wine. I knew it was a mistake even before I ordered it, but the idea of just sitting back, relaxing, and chilling out with work mates was far too tempting, and white wine, in my experience, is the fastest way of getting there.  It really doesn't matter the shape or colour it comes in.

By the end of the second large glass, I was ready to hit the Manchester social scene HARD, and so at my insistence, we left the pub we were at and went to another.  I felt seriously tipsy, probably more like 'somewhat drunk' but not so much that I didn't realise that it was time to quit the wine and go back to old trusty Soco (Southern Comfort) and coke.  Even though I was seriously adoring the taste of the wine (any wine) by that stage, Soco is my 'safe' alcoholic drink.  Don't ask me why, but I can drink that all night long and stay sober.  Its great if you want to impress someone with your drinking ability, but sucks if you are in a 'dancing on the tables' kind of mood.  We weren't ordering them one at a time either. No way, the place was so busy and the bar 5 people deep that we had to stock up!  One, sadly ended up on my lap (not my fault!) as it was placed on the table but as we were all so happy, everyone was only too happy to share.

For some reason new people started joining our party.  I do not quite know how this came about, but hey, everyone is friendly when they are drinking right? And I was talking to anyone who even looked in my direction.  I have to add that it wasn't just me, one of my colleagues must have thought he was in some sort of popularity contest with me and was definitely turning on the charm to all and sundry and the conversations were following and introductions were being made thick and fast.  I met a couple who were up in Manchester just for the weekend from Newquay.  They did explain why they were here, but I forget now and I suddenly took it upon myself to insist that we show them a little bit more of the Manchester night-life scene(as you do).  I suggested Deansgate and everyone thought it was a brilliant idea and off we toddled.

Deansgate wasn't as busy as I thought it would be.  Perhaps it was the wrong side of payday I do not know, but we went into a pub where the service at the bar was instantaneous and we chatted to this Newquay couple like we had known them forever.  Around about this time, the effects of the wine was starting to dwindle and I found myself starting to wonder who these people were and perhaps I should think about heading home?  Of course, everyone else was not quite on the same 'going home or back to the hotel' station that I was and I certainly didn't want to seem like a party pooper, especially not after I told them we would show them a few excellent places and the one we were at was rather boring.
Next thing, one of my work mate's phone rings and he announces that he has friends over at the Northern Quarter and we should go there.  What a brilliant idea I agree and practically drag everyone out of the bar.

We walked all the way back to the Northern Quarter, I, who had sobered up quite a bit by now, was directing the way and probably acting a little too much like a mother hen.  We were approaching a bar called Bluu just outside the Northern Quarter when it happened.
I crossed over the street and called back to them to follow.  It was, I believe, when I looked back to see where they were that my foot slipped down the side of the pavement and wham!  Please keep in mind that this is about 5 steps outside the door of Bluu (which is one of my favourite places to go for drinks) and there must have been hundreds of people hanging around outside.


I didn't go down gracefully.  Oh no, I went down knees and face first. My bag went flying and it was almost like, for a split second, everything just went black.  Naturally, I jumped right back up again, or tried to, except that around 10 people surrounded me asking me if I was OK, picking up my bag for me, trying to help me up. I truly saw concern and not scorn in their faces, or so I would like to believe, but I put on my biggest smile and said, Oh yes, I'm fine, absolutely fine, don't worry about me. (as you do)


I gathered my things up in supersonic speed and proceeded to make my way to the door where the bouncer just shook his head and said 'No, sorry' and looked at me.
Oh My God.  He thinks I'm so drunk i'm falling over! is what I automatically thought and of course he did!  Who wouldn't?  Everyone in my party went in regardless and left me standing at the door. Charming eh?


'It's ok' I said, 'I understand' and proceeded to pull up my pants leg and check out the damage.  It was messy.  The knee of my leggings had a big fat baggy hole in it and I had grazed open half of my knee cap.  The other knee took a battering too, but not as horrific looking as the first one.
'Oh shit' I said, 'This isn't good.' and I looked up at the bouncer.
He pointed to my chin and said, 'It seems you may have bruised your face too' My face did hurt a little, but not so much that it should be bruised over already??  I asked where and he pointed and I started to rub at it.
'Oh no, its only dirt' he proclaimed and I rubbed harder to get my face clean.


I stood around for a few more minutes. By now, actually chatting a little to the bouncer who wouldn't let me in, but I had this awful need to clear my name! 'I'm not pissed, honest I'm not'  I told him and looked up at him again with pleading eyes, just begging to be believed.  Whether he did or didn't I will never know for sure I guess, but he eventually nodded and said, 'OK, yeah, you don't appear to be drunk.'
'Great! Can I go in then?'  I asked, but he shook his head again and said that it was policy and he couldn't let me in if I had fallen over in front of the bar.  Policy my arse!
But I was going to retain just a little dignity and smiled and said that it was ok, I understood. I really didn't need to go in that badly, and prepared myself to wait until my friends came out at which time I would inform them that I was going home.

I didn't have to wait too much longer.  My even drunker-by-now friends came out and one of my colleagues suddenly felt the need to defend me to the doorman. He started shouting abuse about the fact that they wouldn't let me in and the inevitable name calling began.  Was I mortified by this? Nope. Nothing could top my earlier face-plant and I just told him to knock it off.  It wasn't necessary and we were leaving anyway.   The bouncer turned out to be even worse than my work colleague and was actually goading him.  I agree with my work mate. He was a dick!

The night however, wasn't quite over yet.  We headed opposite the road where the one whose friend had called on the phone earlier was apparently hanging out and so more people were added to our merry party.  I tried, but the party spirit had more or less departed from my soul for the night and I knew I had to make my excuses and find a bus.  Quickly! Ten or fifteen minutes later I did just that.

This morning I woke up - the hangover was more or less non-existent which was certainly a bonus considering I couldn't bend my damn knees!  Hubby was downstairs so I made my way there, slowly, and proudly presented my shredded knees.  I knew he would think exactly what the bouncer and everyone else had thought, and he did, so I found myself trying to defend myself all over again, until I realised it really didn't matter.  It really didn't.

Why should I never be allowed out?  Simple, I am an accident waiting to happen.  You may remember me blogging a few months ago of an escapade in London which was a client's Christmas party where I managed to get my finger trapped in a door to the extent that it exploded and I spent most of the night in an A&E. I promise you never a dull moment when you are out with me.  It may be blood filled and we may need to call an ambulance, but it will be interesting.  The problem is, I really don't want to be that person. Who would? Last night was certainly not in the same calibre as the finger episode, (I've still not fully recovered the use of my finger yet) but it's yet another incident that will be discussed (at length I'm sure) in the office for the next few days and I will just have to grin and bear it.

The problem is, I probably will never change.  I do like to go out and let my hair down every now and then. It's not something I do often, but when I do, I do tend to do a proper job of it.  And I am also not ready to be that person who always goes home and doesn't join in.  The problem, I truly believe, is the wine.  :)

I'll leave it there now.  Hope I brought a smile to your face.


Wednesday, 21 March 2012

I Believe

This is not something I really ever wanted to do with this blog. It is something much more likely that my daughter would do.  However, this is one of those songs I can listen to over and over and never get enough of. Every time I listen to this song, I find myself singing along and believing and agreeing with every single line that is sung, so I wanted to share it with you.  If you have not heard it before, then perhaps you too will enjoy it as much as I do.
It's not one of the top 25 most played songs on my iPod and I realise I haven't actually listened to this song in ages, but it still remains one of my favourites.

Affirmation - by Savage Garden
Words to live by....

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe that your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom isn't fair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

PS: Anyone ever know what happened to Savage Garden?


Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Do you believe?

So here is a random topic for you.

I have been doing a little bit of brushing up on all topics (some nonsense, some not so much) over on Netflix the last couple of weeks.  And when I say brushing up, I merely mean watching documentaries on some or other topic that takes my fancy on the day.  I've watched 'Supersize me' (again) and the one about our planet, looking back from 2055 and how we managed to destroy the earth with our continuous overuse of its natural minerals/gases and our huge carbon footprint that's basically killing everything. There was 'The Bridge' which was absolutely fascinating, which is about the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco that is on record as being the site with the most suicides in the world and there are quite a few others that I won't go into detail , but the one that I want to blog about is the one that I watched last night entitled 'I Know What I Saw'

Its about people who claim to have seen UFO's. The thing about this documentary, is it doesn't interview regular guys on the street.  It interviews Army Captains, Pilots, Senators and people we would consider rational and of important standing.  All these people have actually seen something.  In 2008 (not 100% sure of the year) there was a conference held in Washington DC where all these people came together and told their story and this 1.5 hour documentary goes to show (and re-enact) what happened in most cases.  It does talk to some regular citizens too - there was this particular case is Arizona a few years back where 100's of people saw something in the sky that nobody could explain yet the US Government tried to explain it away as a joke and basically couldn't answer (or wouldn't).
There was one story of a pilot in the Iranian army who flew up in his fighter jet and tried to shoot at one and then explains what happened next.  In almost all cases, there is someone else to backup the story of the one who is telling it.

In most cases, there seemed to be 2 particular themes.  One, the craft was huge and boomerang (triangular) shaped.  It made absolutely no noise.  (In some cases the craft was mere inches away from the witness).  It travelled with such speed that if you blinked your eye, it would be gone and was able to make 90 degree turns in an instant. When I say huge, one person described it as been big enough for commercial aircraft to land on it. This one seemed to be the more common of the two. The other was cigar (or rectangular) shaped.  All accounts of these were that they were very high in the sky and were seen by commercial aircraft. 

There is video and photo evidence to back up many of the stories too.

Not one of them spoke of actually making contact with any alien beings.

Now, what the host of the documentary said many times was that in 95% of cases, most could be explained away as man-made, or lies, or something that could be explained thereby making them non UFO.  But that there remained 5% of cases that were simply this. Unexplained. 

With the freedom of Information act much documentation has now become available in archives and elsewhere around the world where what was once considered 'Classified' is now available for anyone to see.  It also appears that many countries are now preferring to cease keeping accounts like this secret (France being one of them) and on interviewing a Gentleman who works for France's equivalent of NASA, he freely admits that there is something unexplained out there.

So what do you think?  I have always openly admitted that I do believe there is something out there even though I have never seen anything strange in the skies myself.  I have always said that I feel it would be arrogant of us to assume that we are the only intelligent life form in the entire universe - and we cannot even fathom how huge the universe is.  Or, could it be more like what a colleague of mine suggested today, that various world governments were constantly developing new and improved craft/technology in case they needed to defend themselves in a war, hence keeping it secret from the world? 
He claimed, that if there was intelligent life out there, why haven't they made contact with us yet.  Good point I guess.  But then I asked him, how do you know they haven't already?  It would make sense to keep things such as this secret from the population.  Could you imagine the mass hysteria if we knew there was a life form out there, infinitely more advanced than us, that could wipe us out if they so choose?  If I was the Powers-That-Be, I would certainly have to think long and hard before I admitted such a thing to the masses.

Just my thoughts...

But what about you, do you believe?


Saturday, 3 March 2012

Touch Me

To feel the whisper of your hand
As it reaches for my face
To see the fire touch your eyes
as your arms, my frame, embrace

To feel the penetrating heat
When your eyes upon me rest
And shivers travel down my spine
As your hands caress my breast

Oh how I long to feel your touch
Upon my aching skin
To feel the fire of passion burn
And my hands a-trembling

Please sate this desire burning deep
And quench my sexual thirst
Oh touch me now so I may feel
My heart about to burst

First Feature

A few weeks back a friend of mine asked if I would do a poem for her blog where she could feature me and link back to mine. I was immensely flattered and pondered for weeks about what kind of poem to do. I won't lie, I did feel quite stressed about it, she is a published author (her first novel has recently been released) and naturally I wanted to make sure that I gave her something that she would be pleased with and wouldn't hesitate putting on her website. In the end, I gave her 3 to choose from and today, my first feature blog went live. I have asked Jane to do a feature for me and when I post it, I will tell you much more about her and her amazing novel, but for now, please follow this link to check out the piece she has posted: Caffiene's not a crime

While there, please leave any comments and do look around her blog and website, and as always, I would love any feedback here too.