Acceptance

Is sometimes one of the hardest things to do. I have been struggling to accept this one thing since the day I turned 24. I have no idea why I've turned out this way. I wish it was so, but there you go. It is what it is as they say.

This morning, I was looking in the mirror while applying my makeup getting ready for work and was looking at all the grey in my hair and thinking it was due for another colour, when my thoughts drifted to a conversation I had had last night with an old school friend of mine. – No emphasis on the word old please!- and I was thinking of her asking me how I felt that I was on the cusp of experiencing empty nest syndrome. Now, while the idea of having the house to myself is intriguing, the thought that my children are almost old enough to actually be leaving the house is terrifying. You don’t understand, it is literally terrifying.


When they say time races by, they are not kidding. I remember my daughter being a little baby in my arms and truly, it feels like only a year ago or so now. The truth is, its 17 years ago and I have no idea where the time went. In that time, my son has been born, I've gone through the toddler stage, teething stage, just starting school phase and boyfriends and girlfriend stage. Ive seen my daughter finish school and start college and watched my son grow taller than me. This has literally all happened in a blink of an eye. I cannot sit here and reminisce about it but its almost like it didn’t happen. One minute they were babies, the next I’m discussing empty next syndrome with my friend.

Oh My God, how did this happen?
And more importantly, WHY does the idea of my children growing up freak me out?

I remember back when I was something like 10 years old and my mom was telling me about this friend of theirs who was age phobic. She said something along the lines of him not been able to accept that he was ‘getting old’ and sometimes acted like a child and she insinuated that this was indeed a terribly sad thing. I am just like him now.

I'll be turning 41 this year. Yet, the average age of my friends is around 30. The ethic in my office is a young one, where I guess, the average age is 27 and I am the 2nd eldest there, yet I am the first one going out after work for a quick drink. Or the one texting my husband saying that I'm meeting up with friends after work and am going clubbing. I have no idea what my younger mates must think of this, nor do I want to know, but I am not going to suddenly become old and graceful. No, I don’t think so!

I am the one telling my daughter that I look forward to her turning 18 so that her and I can go clubbing. What is up with that? Worse, is she actually seems to be looking forward to it? I guess, this is a good thing, but I can imagine my horror if my mother had said the same thing to me 20 years ago. Perhaps my daughter is just humouring me. Goodness knows what she says about me behind my back.

So, why am I blogging about this? Because it is a real issue for me. If I could just start acting my age, grabbing the slippers and the knitting and forget about hanging out with my younger friends then all would be well in the world. If I could join my husband, who I am sure I must irritate a great deal with me ‘Lets go out!’ or ‘Do you mind if I go out tonight’ and be content with spending my evenings in front of the television and not downloading the latest hits to my ipod then I’m sure he would be very pleased. But the sight of grey hairs on my head, saggy skin and wrinkles which I am sure will be arriving soon, actually freaks me out. Imagine how I am going to be when menopause hits? I don’t even want to contemplate it!

They say 40 is the new 30. I can live with that, but I'm not sure if my 20 something behaviour is all that cool? It’s probably not, but I cannot help it. I'm not about to go lay down and get old. If I could freeze time then I would.

No, I'm not one of those parents that looks forward to her grandchildren arriving. I’m not one of those people who look forward to retirement. Well, the part where I don’t have to go work sounds good to me, but I don’t want to fall into the OAP category. Id rather someone took me outside and shot me before I got there.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not. My close friends who know me will have probably heard me say this before. If I came into a lot of money, id be booking my appointment with the plastic surgeon for a bit of nip and tucks and scheduling the botox. I'm not quite ready for a facelift yet thank you very much!

But Ohhhhh to be able to age gracefully would save me so much time, money and energy.

Are there pills out there I can buy for me to accept that I'm not 26 anymore? Would I even buy them if there was? Probably not.